Anesthesia

Thank God for anesthesia! Right? I guess... I am torn on the subject. I do have to qualify this though, I have had procedures done with no anesthesia, like tooth extraction and cornea removal, but not any internal organ surgey. I know I wouldn't want to have any major surgery without it. For sure.
However, I am hypersensitive to drugs. Really, no joking. I had both general anesthesia, and the lighter one - the "twilight". I was supposed to be awake (tired, but awake) anywhere from 1 - 4 hours after each procedure/surgery. It actually takes days for me... Days of sleeping, of having halucinations, nightmares and panic attacks, headache and nausea. It's a miserable feeling. So, I am torn between the convenience of not feeling pain for minor procedures and being out of it for a few days after it.
I was reading this article before my procedure the other day and it started like this: "When facing surgery or an invasive procedure, anesthesia is one of the things we worry about. Will we feel pain? Will we be completely asleep? Will we wake up?" I admit, none of those questions crossed my mind. My one and only question was: "How bad am I going to feel after that and for how long". I have an answer now: "pretty bad and for about three days".

Why is this? Am I alone in experiencing these side effects. I have done some research and what I can find makes me feel very lonely...

Does anyone have any input?

The Pictures Post

Portile de Fier (The Iron Gates)

 

Cheile Bicazului (Bicaz Canyon)

 

Muntii Carpati (Carpathian Mountains)

 

Sfinxul (the Sphinx - rock formation in Apuseni Mountains)

 

Piatra Craiului (Village in the Mountains)

 

Sighisoara (Transylvanian town)

 

Tired Ox

 

La tara in Transilvania (Countryside in Transylvania)

 

Marea Neagra (the Black Sea)

 

Predeal (Mountain town in Transylvania)

 

Sibiu, Transylvania - my town

 

... And this is where I am from.

The Age of Cancer

I was sitting in my doctor’s office this morning. Follow-up visit, waiting patiently to answer a lot of the same questions as three weeks ago. Then, of course, computer problems, one computer system is not talking to the other, the test results are lost, normal stuff  really. I am not frustrated because I actually like my doctor. I debate between getting my laptop and working a little (sigh) or browsing through the boring brochures and magazines in the examination room. I choose the the boring stuff. Then, I find this article about pancreatic cancer and all of a sudden I am thinking that I hope the doctor takes his time with the results. I need to finish reading. I love it when I have my priorities straight.

So, I know that receiving a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer is more or less a death sentence. My grandmother passed away because of this cancer, and I always wondered what makes cancer so different from organ to organ. Why is it that liver cancer is "better" than pancreatic cancer assuming they are in the same stage of development? I know, this maybe not the best thought to have in a doctor's office, but oh well, maybe if they had People magazines around I would have been writing about something else now...

Ok. Back to my article on pancreating cancer. Here's a pancreatic cancer cell. Pretty and deadly.

The main reason for the very low recovery rate for pancreatic cancer (less than 5%) is that the disease is not generally diagnosed until 10 - 15 years after the first cancer-causing mutations appear, by which point the cancer has spread and become highly aggressive. So, if you can diagnose the cancer earlier, maybe it can be removed and the chances for recovery will increase. Obviously, everyone knows this. So then, what's new?

"scientists at Johns Hopkins University sequenced the genomes of seven people who had died of late-stage pancreatic cancer. Their tumor cells contained different types of mutations that the scientists traced back in evolutionary time using mathematical models to build a kind of “family mutational tree.” The models suggested that cancer cells appear 10 years after the first cancer-causing mutation arises and that another five years pass before the cancer cells spread and become deadly."

Now, this is really cool. So we can actually screen for these mutations and "catch it" before it's too late. The belief before was that pancreatic cancer is too aggresive and it changes to quickly for any screening to be succesful. Well, I say 10 is not too fast, so there is hope. I like hope.

Energy

When life throws me in a whirlpool, when things don't go my way or any way... When I feel lost and need comfort, when I need some extra energy...

I go outside and let the sunhine warm me inside and out
I marvel at the beauty of nature
I play with my girl
I blow bubbles
I read a good book
I paint
I drink ice cold water
I stop and observe the moment
I cry
I lament to a good friend
I get and give a hug
I love.

What do you do?

Ode to the Great Smoky National Park

Isn't this beautiful? I am in the love with the mountains. I miss the forests from home, and this park has felt like home.
I spent a few days in Gatlinburg this past week. Actually, I slept at a cabing in Gatlinburg, because the days were spent in the National park. I was absolutely impressed. The whole area is not just stunningly beautiful, but so well taken care of, full of histroy, wildlife and fresh streams.

The Great Smoky Mountains are among the highest peaks in the Appalachian mountain range, yet they are rounder and lower in elevation than younger mountain chains such as the Rocky Mountains. How they came to be this way is a story that began almost one billion years ago. I could write a lot about the tectonic events from way back when, about the sedimentation process and the errosion that took place with time. Or, you can go here and read for yourself: http://www.smokymountainsvisitorsguide.com/geology.htm.

I will tell you though, about the great Cherokee legend about the formation of the Smokies.

Way before any life existing on Earth, the Earth was floating on the waters like a big island. In the beginning the earth was flat, soft, and moist, just a big mud pile.  Though living creatures existed, their home was up there, above the rainbow, and it was crowded. "We are all jammed together," the animals said. "We need more room." All the animals were eager to live on the Earth, and they kept sending down birds to see if the mud had dried and hardened enough to take their weight. But the birds flew back and said that there was still no spot they could live on.
Then the animals sent Gandfather Buzzard down. He flew very close and saw that the earth was very soft, but when he glided low over what would become Cherokee country, he found that the mud was getting a little harder. By that time Great Buzzard was tired and dragging. When he flapped his wings down they made a valley where they touched the earth; when he swept them up, they made a mountain. At last the earth was hard and dry enough, and the animals descended. That's why there are so many mountains in Cherokee country.
Before making humans, Someone Powerful had created plants and animals. After creating plants and animals, Someone Powerful made man and his sister. All of the people are their children.

The sadest part is that the Cherokee people had to give up their land to the white man. The Trail of Tears is a story for some other time...

Meanwhile, the mountains are there with energy and strength, amazing in their stability and grounded through years, pain, beauty and tears. The people that take care of the park, the Rangers, are awesome. Their dedication to preserving this island of peace is rewording and refreshing. There are no fees in this park. There are no wireless spots, restaurants, or any of the modern day tools. And it feels so good.
I really think you should go. Seriously.

Therapy for gays?

I guess it's appropriate to start this project blog with a controversial topic. Since there are no rules, let's see how it goes...

I am naive, I admit it. I heard this talk on the radio this morning and I had to wonder what are we doing as people, what kind of world do we live in? We offer therapy for gays and lesbians so we can turn them straight. And that's just because some of us are not comfortable with who they are. Meanwhile, kids don't get help when they are abused, mental health still carries a stigma, veterans are left to wonder if they will ever go through a night without horrific nightmares.

This is not some kind of disease. This is not like getting a cold and taking aspirin to get better. People are different. We're all different in different ways. Why is it so hard to accept differences? I feel sometimes like I am in the minority. I am a straight, christian woman who believes that everyone has the right to be who they want to be. I have my own internal struggles. I am fighting patterns from way back when. Some of my patterns don't make me the best person I can be, but I am proud of getting closer to knowing who I really am. The God I believe is a loving God. The God I believe in helps me make the most of the life I have and hopefully, cares about the loving choices I make. Which God do you believe in? Which God is intollerant?

I have amazing, wonderful friends that are gay. I have amazing, wonderful friends that are straight. Through all of it, I am grateful for knowing them all, for getting to share my life and struggles with them. I hurt for the intollerance I see. And I don't want to accept it as much as I don't want to understand it.